MyNextSeason

We were ready … together

On the exact day I retired, my wife and I also celebrated our 35^th wedding anniversary. We’d had 35 great years living an international corporate lifestyle and had guided our children toward their own independent lives. It was a lovely natural milestone and the next phase for us as a couple. We were very excited.

A new schedule …

The biggest surprise was that no alarm clock went off on Monday morning. We realized we weren’t on somebody else’s schedule. Immediately blessed with time, we started thinking deeply about the execution of our plan. We had already decided we would relocate to Colorado and build a mountain home, so we had an immediate project to look forward to.

… and new priorities.

My wife Carol had the idea to create a yellow board with Post-it notes on it that defined our priorities and timelines. This has been really helpful because it has allowed us to structure our thinking, move forward with immediate plans, and politely say “no” or “not yet” to opportunities that didn’t align with our goals. Our board has been our compass, if you will, our North Star. At the end of each year, we reflect on the yellow board and ask, “Is this still right?”

Put the tech down and talk

Life is becoming more blurred because of technology, which can get in the way of important conversations. It’s more productive to sit down and talk about your priorities and how you will explore options both together and separately. If you’re not talking to each other, if you’re not sharing your stresses, goals, and hopes, things tend to go off in separate directions.

Rekindle friendships

You have to be proactive in building and rebuilding relationships. It doesn’t just happen. That first year after I retired from ExxonMobil, we cultivated and renewed old friendships. We devoted at least 12 months to reflecting on our priorities and traveling the world to spend time with the people that we really know and love—our family and our friends. Those relationships have all blossomed. For instance, I spent three weeks with a lifelong school friend, and we recorded our first music album. We’ve been playing guitar since we were 12 years old, and we’ve always wanted to record an album, so we did it. That friendship means the world to me.

Avoiding overcommitment

I’m finding a lot of the coaching and advice I’m giving as a MyNextSeason Advisor is on time management—a lesson Carol and I learned from our own journey. We didn’t realize how much our commitments would expand. We said, “Let’s open a local art gallery—that would be cool. We’ll hire a manager, and we’ll get it going.” But even if you think, “I’m going to step back and delegate,” you tend to get pulled into day-to-day items that are very time-consuming. So, be careful. Go in with full knowledge that things can become much more demanding than you imagine. We are very passionate about doing things we care about, so the risk grows that we take on too much.

Have an exit plan

Priorities shift. All three of our children were married during the first five years of our retirement, and three grandchildren were born. We had an aging parent in the UK. So, we began reassessing commitments to make time for these new responsibilities. We have had wonderful experiences running our gallery, giving back to community causes, and managing real estate projects. Stepping back from things also takes careful planning—something we underestimated.

The next, next season

We called our next phase “simplification” because we had expanded our lives to an extent where we felt like we were back in the fast lane. Simplification included the downsizing of our mountain home, the sale of a commercial property, and the closure of our art gallery. While maintaining our Colorado connections, we’re planning to relocate near the heart of our family on the East Coast, where there are also world-class medical facilities—an emerging priority for us as we age.

More time for simple joys

We’re in that very privileged position of watching our children’s families grow, which gives us incredible joy. But there are simple things as well. Singing in the choir gives Carol goosebumps when they’re all on the stage. I still enjoy writing songs, playing Scrabble together in the evening, or planning new travel adventures together.

The power of partnership

It’s really important to have a partner who shares your values, supports you, and is willing to adapt to all the stresses of work and life. Carol is my best friend. She’s really been a mentor to me since I left the professional world because she has wonderful values. My relationship with her is important not only as my wife, mother of our children, and best friend but also as a guide.

Interested in learning more about Alan’s music? Click here.