Easing into transition
I retired at the end of the pandemic and was able to spend my last nine months at KPMG intentionally transitioning my work and taking small steps away. Many folks I’ve talked to put off dealing with their succession so that it became a rush right at the end, and for me, it wasn’t. I looked at that as success. I took great care to ensure I could walk out the door knowing that I had done everything to prepare my team for continued success.
An empty inbox
As my team was ready to move forward without me, I had to mentally prepare myself for what that meant. One of the biggest challenges when you retire is that suddenly, the activity and energy you are so accustomed to just stop. I retired on September 30. Around midnight, I think the firm (appropriately) turned off my email. So, I woke up on October 1 and opened my inbox with the same expectation, as always, that it would be full of stuff that needed my attention, but it was empty—like I had fallen off a cliff. Even when you think you’re prepared for a moment like that, it’s still a bit unsettling.
Creating touchstones
In the early days, I paused to think deeply about what I wanted to do next, not just what I could do. I knew I didn’t want to keep doing what I’d always done. To help, I developed what I call personal touchstones. I think of my touchstones as if I’m walking down a beach. I pick up some rounded stones warmed by the summer sun. I hold them in my palm. And they comfort me. And I feel a sense of connection. That’s what I wanted to evoke from the things I pursued in my next season.
My first touchstone: The activity has to be something I want to do. Now, that sounds obvious. However, as I kept thinking about it, it really meant that I wanted to be in a place where I could make a difference. The second: It has to engage me intellectually, spiritually, or creatively. I don’t want just to be there to be there. The third came from a friend.
As we talked one day, he said he had worked to make money for 30 years and wanted to spend the next 30 years making memories. So, my final touchstone: It has to be about making memories. With my touchstones set to keep me honest, I have put together a portfolio of fulfilling pursuits that stay true to my deepest self.
Pursue the different thing
Often enough, I think we don’t let ourselves pursue that different thing, to break free from the mold we have in our heads of who we “should” be, or explore that less conventional outlet that has been tucked away within us for 30 years. For me, that thing was learning Italian. I started four years ago partly out of a love for the language, which I find inherently poetic, and partly as a way to stretch my brain. I have discipline around it. I study every day, and I take both group classes and private lessons. I’ve even taken on the challenge of reading Dante’s “Inferno” in Italian. It’s different, and it’s difficult, but that’s part of the appeal.
Revisit an old love
Similarly, I’ve also returned to writing poetry, something I loved in college but put aside during my career. I picked it up again and now dedicate time a few days a week to writing. I’m working toward publishing a collection—so far, I’ve written about 75 poems. I’m also in the midst of a multiyear project that brings together both of my passions: writing a book of poems in Italian, each one corresponding to a specific canto of “The Inferno.” It’s been a deeply satisfying way to engage both creatively and intellectually.
Give back
I volunteer with two boards at my alma mater, the University of California, Chico. I am on the College of Business Advisory Board and the Board of Chico State Enterprises, which handles grants administration for the university. I also guest lecture and really enjoy the student interaction that comes with it. Lastly, I’m able to take care of older family members, which is something I didn’t anticipate, but am grateful to have the flexibility to do.
Put purpose over utility
For someone facing this transition, I would challenge them to ask, “What do I want to do that doesn’t have any purpose other than it brings me joy?” I think that is partly what I’m trying to get at with my study of Italian. I didn’t take it on for its utility. I don’t have Italian relatives with whom I want to communicate better. I don’t dream of opening a bar in Milan. I took on the work simply for the beauty of the language and the joy of learning.
Two more pieces of advice I would offer to someone facing the emotions of this transition:
- Prepare to be irrelevant to your former company—and know that it’s okay. If you do your job properly, you should step away and have the leaders you developed pick up where you left off, even though it is difficult.
- Embrace the uncertainty. And be okay with that, too. Think of this time as a new adventure, just like starting college, feeling lost trying to figure out who you want to be.This is that time again. It’s an exploration.
Even with my touchstones, I still feel uncertain. But I have come to celebrate that uncertainty. Embracing the uncertainty gives me the freedom to do whatever I want.
Nothing is holding me back.